My twins-Ella Ann and Logan Ray

I don't want Logan to be forgotten. That's why I am starting this whole blog thing. Well, one of two reasons. The other reason is lying next to me. I have to do it for Ella. I have to survive for her, I know this. But I can't survive if I can't talk about Logan and I know she wouldn't want me to forget him. She's counting on me to remind HER someday, to tell her about him, to preserve his memory, to keep it alive in MY heart so that she may bring his memory back in HERS someday. It's there, I know it is, and I want it to always stay there.

She loved him and he loved her and they loved me and God knows how I love them both.

So their life stories, his so very short and hers an ongoing journey, will be told here. His with the few photos I have, and with my memories and my emotions. Hers with new updates and photos and videos and my love for her that I'll express on another blog, but connected to this one.

I have struggled and struggled with whether to create and maintain a happy-go-lucky blog separately from this one. One only with Ella updates, solely to benefit other people in my life. I have learned there are so many who are uncomfortable, who would just rather forget, rather not "dwell". I try to remind myself that people are not going to react the way I expect them to or the way I want them to. As I am continually disappointed in those around me, I am finding that I'm having to remind myself of this over and over.

I have found much solace in those who have been here, those who have walked this path. They understand the feelings, the loneliness, the emptiness, the struggle to simply breathe some days. Those people will be who I share this blog with. The other I will keep for the 'others'.

No comments: